Love this so much!! I feel like the annoying aunt now, after being married for 7 years, but it does happen when you’re not looking and when you know you know AND you have to be willing to get out there, make some mistakes, and get your heart broken. Not that I never over-analyzed everything and wondered if I’d be single forever because I was doing it wrong 😆
I'm seriously considering deleting TikTok for this very reason. The women's dating videos are skirting dangerously close to being as divisive as red pill men's content (although not as harmful) in that it's such a warped worldview that only makes me see men as monsters.
As someone who still uses TikTok a lot, you need to reset your algorithm or re-train it! Obviously a break from it altogether would still be helpful. I think lots of these women giving advice actually hate men lol. Lastly, you can always submit to my advice column and I swear I give super levelheaded advice 🩷
Dating at 54 , takes this to another different level, after being married for 20 years, 6 years single, it’s completely different when your dating in midlife, I’ve written my dating diaries, just just changed the name of my substack because I have SEVERE dating app fatigue!! So many people say you will meet someone when you least expect it, well 6 years on, it’s just let down after let down, I’ve also written about the changes to modern dating. It’s hell out there 😅😅 thanks for sharing your post☺️
I was at my lowest of lows when consuming dating content, especially since a lot of it has to strike a chord or hit a sensitive spot to go viral. But I won't disregard it completely by saying there's no truth to the repeated advice (e.g., don't overinvest or uproot your life to be with a man early on). One thing I will say, though, is that having this dating advice drilled into my head has helped me focus on choosing a man with my mind as well, instead of relying solely on my heart to pave the way forward.
Love you for addressing this. I haaaate dating advice! And TikTok is the most toxic place of all for it! I have always said that love is truly the ONE thing that cannot be put into a box. People are so nuanced and connections are so personal, it's impossible to understand what goes on inside of a romantic relationship. And let's be real - most people don't take advice anyway when it comes to love, even when it's semi-sensible and well-meaning. My best experiences and deepest loves have been cultivated from following my heart. And none of it came wrapped up in a pretty bow. It usually arrived in the form of a dumpster fire. And it was always, always worth it. There's a reason my book is called Don't Do Anything I Would do! lol <3
I love this article. I think you explained part of the issue in the current dating climate SO WELL. I am engaged but I’m fascinated by what’s happening in dating and have often analyzed my own experiences wondering how I avoided a lot of the issues my friends are running into. I do however feel like this article is focused on what women are doing wrong (I assume because the article is for women) but we’re only half the story, what do you think men’s issues in dating are these days?
Thanks! Happy you liked it. I can think of many things men are doing wrong. But ultimately… I don’t care? I think that as a society we do a lot of analyzing men’s behavior and blaming men. I’m kind of bored of the attention they get and I’d rather de-center them in the conversation altogether. I think when women focus on living authentically, forgetting about what’s going on inside men’s brains, and not following arbitrary rules, they’ll naturally attract the good ones they’re after. And I’ll leave it up to the healthy, mature men to discuss!
i was in a 5 year dating drought until i deleted tiktok and dating apps and just lived my life. now I'm the dating the sweetest guy. it really does happen when you stop trying to force it.
Wait as someone who does want to be in love and has been looking for the rule book - I was starting to think I need to do the opposite aka take risks, be authentic and pickier with the men’s personalities I entertain. This feels like such an affirmation- dating in your 20s is a mess
THIS is everything. I swear, if the internet feminine datingsphere is to be believed, most women actually hate men. I tried making this kind of content for a period of time and it just weighed on me at the end of the day. There's so much toxicity out there
I always hated when people said crap like "when you know, you know" (RE meeting the right person) or "it'll happen when you least expect it" but I'm here to say, wow, wildly... it IS/CAN BE true. At least for me. Before I met my husband many moons ago, I tried to follow and set all these rules that frankly didn't protect me from getting heartbroken in the end. Loved this piece, and I hope it helps people out there navigating the dating world!
Thanks, Nicole!! I often find that it’ll just happen when you’re ready for it. That’s it. Point blank. And it’s ok to just accept being lonely for a while. We can’t control these things sometimes!
Dating in my 20s was fun, but also “man eater” vibes and I had no true self-love. Then during Covid I cut myself off from all social media. Fell in love with who I was despite decades of low self esteem, got strong for me, and realized that putting yourself first doesn’t have to equal a sky-high fortress keeping everyone out. When I opened myself back up to dating late in 2021 I found my person and didn’t turn to social media for advice. There were no games played, no questioning if he was good enough for me, or if he checked all the boxes of social media dating. Now that I’m attempting to plan a wedding, and using social media for inspiration, I feel myself falling back into nasty habits of comparing and low self esteem that aren’t healthy for me or my relationship.
Love this so much!! I feel like the annoying aunt now, after being married for 7 years, but it does happen when you’re not looking and when you know you know AND you have to be willing to get out there, make some mistakes, and get your heart broken. Not that I never over-analyzed everything and wondered if I’d be single forever because I was doing it wrong 😆
Dating and being single should be fun!
I'm seriously considering deleting TikTok for this very reason. The women's dating videos are skirting dangerously close to being as divisive as red pill men's content (although not as harmful) in that it's such a warped worldview that only makes me see men as monsters.
As someone who still uses TikTok a lot, you need to reset your algorithm or re-train it! Obviously a break from it altogether would still be helpful. I think lots of these women giving advice actually hate men lol. Lastly, you can always submit to my advice column and I swear I give super levelheaded advice 🩷
Dating at 54 , takes this to another different level, after being married for 20 years, 6 years single, it’s completely different when your dating in midlife, I’ve written my dating diaries, just just changed the name of my substack because I have SEVERE dating app fatigue!! So many people say you will meet someone when you least expect it, well 6 years on, it’s just let down after let down, I’ve also written about the changes to modern dating. It’s hell out there 😅😅 thanks for sharing your post☺️
I was at my lowest of lows when consuming dating content, especially since a lot of it has to strike a chord or hit a sensitive spot to go viral. But I won't disregard it completely by saying there's no truth to the repeated advice (e.g., don't overinvest or uproot your life to be with a man early on). One thing I will say, though, is that having this dating advice drilled into my head has helped me focus on choosing a man with my mind as well, instead of relying solely on my heart to pave the way forward.
Love you for addressing this. I haaaate dating advice! And TikTok is the most toxic place of all for it! I have always said that love is truly the ONE thing that cannot be put into a box. People are so nuanced and connections are so personal, it's impossible to understand what goes on inside of a romantic relationship. And let's be real - most people don't take advice anyway when it comes to love, even when it's semi-sensible and well-meaning. My best experiences and deepest loves have been cultivated from following my heart. And none of it came wrapped up in a pretty bow. It usually arrived in the form of a dumpster fire. And it was always, always worth it. There's a reason my book is called Don't Do Anything I Would do! lol <3
I love this article. I think you explained part of the issue in the current dating climate SO WELL. I am engaged but I’m fascinated by what’s happening in dating and have often analyzed my own experiences wondering how I avoided a lot of the issues my friends are running into. I do however feel like this article is focused on what women are doing wrong (I assume because the article is for women) but we’re only half the story, what do you think men’s issues in dating are these days?
Thanks! Happy you liked it. I can think of many things men are doing wrong. But ultimately… I don’t care? I think that as a society we do a lot of analyzing men’s behavior and blaming men. I’m kind of bored of the attention they get and I’d rather de-center them in the conversation altogether. I think when women focus on living authentically, forgetting about what’s going on inside men’s brains, and not following arbitrary rules, they’ll naturally attract the good ones they’re after. And I’ll leave it up to the healthy, mature men to discuss!
i was in a 5 year dating drought until i deleted tiktok and dating apps and just lived my life. now I'm the dating the sweetest guy. it really does happen when you stop trying to force it.
Yay that’s so great to hear!
Wait as someone who does want to be in love and has been looking for the rule book - I was starting to think I need to do the opposite aka take risks, be authentic and pickier with the men’s personalities I entertain. This feels like such an affirmation- dating in your 20s is a mess
It truly is a mess! But now, at almost 34, I realize how grateful I am for all those stories and wisdom. Happy it resonated 🩷
THIS is everything. I swear, if the internet feminine datingsphere is to be believed, most women actually hate men. I tried making this kind of content for a period of time and it just weighed on me at the end of the day. There's so much toxicity out there
I do get man hating vibes as well! Happy it resonated, girlfriend 🫶🏻
I always hated when people said crap like "when you know, you know" (RE meeting the right person) or "it'll happen when you least expect it" but I'm here to say, wow, wildly... it IS/CAN BE true. At least for me. Before I met my husband many moons ago, I tried to follow and set all these rules that frankly didn't protect me from getting heartbroken in the end. Loved this piece, and I hope it helps people out there navigating the dating world!
Thanks, Nicole!! I often find that it’ll just happen when you’re ready for it. That’s it. Point blank. And it’s ok to just accept being lonely for a while. We can’t control these things sometimes!
Dating in my 20s was fun, but also “man eater” vibes and I had no true self-love. Then during Covid I cut myself off from all social media. Fell in love with who I was despite decades of low self esteem, got strong for me, and realized that putting yourself first doesn’t have to equal a sky-high fortress keeping everyone out. When I opened myself back up to dating late in 2021 I found my person and didn’t turn to social media for advice. There were no games played, no questioning if he was good enough for me, or if he checked all the boxes of social media dating. Now that I’m attempting to plan a wedding, and using social media for inspiration, I feel myself falling back into nasty habits of comparing and low self esteem that aren’t healthy for me or my relationship.
https://open.substack.com/pub/billionairbear/p/dating-the-yesmaybeno-grid?r=1g5bw0&utm_medium=ios
You are PERFECT, Krystal!