Dear Kristina #2: Should I Hookup with a Man Whore?

HELP! I've fallen in the dick sand and I can't get up.

Aug 21, 2024

Kristina,
I have become friends with a man whore. He was a late bloomer who didn’t have much luck in the romance department when he was younger. Then he started to study women, up his game, and eventually became a menace to society. When we first met, he tried his player antics on me and I didn’t take the bait, writing him off for months and only staying friends. But, I’m not immune to his powers of seduction and now I can’t stop thinking about him and think it might be mutual. I’ve also noticed his group of guy friends are non-committal. Lately, he’s been talking to me about wanting a relationship and I don’t know how to proceed. Do I say fuck it and hook up with him, even if that means risking getting played?

Girl, you got it bad. You’re neck-deep in the dick sand, and hopefully, it’s not too late for my words to pull you out before you lose your head. Three possible scenarios are going on here, so let’s break them down and see what resonates.

You’re the exception to the rule.

He feels differently about you than he has about any other woman. You make him want to hang up his man-whore hat and settle down with you. He’s over the shallow connections and wants something deeper.

Your egos are in the driver’s seat.

You’re two head-strong people who need to conquer the challenge set before you. He, being a “man whore,” is not used to hearing the word “no.” He’s learned the game—undoubtedly by reading that toxic black book and binging episodes of The Pickup Artist on VH1—so by now he’s most likely up to his eyebrows in hot women. At first, it might’ve been a fun challenge, especially after having blue balls through his teen years. But at this point, getting someone into bed is child’s play. When a woman comes along and doesn’t pick up what he’s putting down, it’s a shock to the ego and possibly even a thrill. He might do anything to get what he’s after, maybe even using words like “love” and “relationship.”

You, on the other hand, are a walking cliché (ily, I’m sorry!). What an enticing challenge it is to get the player to finally settle down, to choose you while he has his pick of the litter. The devil on your shoulder is whispering, “You’re different. You can change him.” The sexual tension between you two is undoubtedly insane, and your infatuation is rotting your brain. I have to wonder, though, what happens after the chase is gone? In your submission, you didn’t mention anything specifically attractive about him, aside from his powers of seduction. Is he actively pursuing you in a relationship-minded way, i.e., asking you to dinner or spending quality time with you? Chasing, sexual tension, and whirlwind romances are not sustainable long-term. Consider whether this relationship would provide you with a sense of depth and security to pass the test of time.

You should fuck for the plot but risk getting heartbroken.

Perhaps the sexual tension and ‘what ifs’ are driving you mad, and cutting to the chase is the only way to stop thinking about him. However, if you’re like 99.99999% of the women in the world who don’t know how to act after getting the D, this may not be the right move. In the best-case scenario, you get it out of your system and have a little fun. In the worst-case scenario, you end up thinking about him more, tarnish the friendship, and become a notch on his bedpost.

Love you, mean it!

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