My perky Edinburgh ass

Love notes from the LNER

Dear readers,

As promised last week, I’m writing to you from a train heading to London. I’m sitting at a first-class table across from Joe, the sun streaming through the window, where I can see sheep grazing on rolling hills in the distance. I just ordered some crumpets with butter and picked up a copy of Katherine Ryan’s memoir to read on the journey. I’m feeling like God’s favorite.

We spent four days in Edinburgh, soaking in what I can only describe as pure magic. It’s no wonder the national animal of Scotland is the unicorn—the place is dripping with whimsy.

My newsletter is usually snarky and bitchy with an overall eye-roll vibe, but I find it hard to be anything but pleasant while spending time in such beautiful places. There’s something about being in nature that makes you lose your appetite for scrolling. My screen time is at an all-time low, and my step count is at an all-time high. I guess everyone gets so distracted by the beauty that they forget to warn you about the hills. Every five-minute walk is accompanied by approximately four hills and seventeen flights of stairs. To top it all off, I hiked to the top of Arthur’s Seat on the second day of my period. I fully expect to be rewarded with a perky ass and looser jeans.

One of the unexpected results of international travel is how it makes you appreciate where you come from, no matter how much you enjoy the city you’re in. I don’t love America. If I were single or didn’t plan on having a family, I’d probably move abroad. Americans can be uncultured, entitled, and loud. We feel more divided than ever. But Americans are also some of the warmest and kindest people on earth. Moving to the South has made me realize I’m not one of those “I hate people and prefer cats” sorta gals. I actually do like people and small talk very much. I’m going to ask you where you’re from, compliment your outfit, and tell you your baby is beautiful. I can just tell that’s not the vibe over here, so I’m bursting at the seams, hiding behind a faux RBF.

The weather has been mild for Scotland, but still pretty chilly for my Florida ass, so I haven’t brought out my favorite outfits yet. I’m saving them for London, where it’ll be slightly warmer. I can’t wait to show off my new, perky Edinburgh ass.

I’m off to enjoy the rest of this ride before I jump into my pursuit of the best fish n’ chips and a vintage gold watch from the Portobello Market.

Love you,

Kristina