I’m Sick of Not Being Hot

Calorie deficits lead to boring weekends and true crime binges

Sep 01, 2024

Last week, I cried after ruining dinner. It felt symbolic of my boredom; the climax of my weekend was burning a meatloaf. Work and yoga keep me busy during the week, but on the weekends, I’m insufferable. Boredom is a dangerous place for me to linger too long. No wonder I’m willing to set my life on fire in pursuit of adventure.

Welcome to my August recap.

We’ve been eating in a caloric deficit since returning from New York. I’m at an unhealthy weight and I’m sick of not being hot. I don’t care how toxic or diet-culture-y it is to say. Remember when Queen Latifah was a spokesperson for Weight Watchers– for, like, a month– and her platform was about getting healthy? I felt the collective eye roll amongst the chronic dieters. Do you mean to tell me you’re carrying a FlexPoints slider in your purse in the name of health? Couldn’t be me. I wanna be HOT. Don’t worry, I haven’t been demonizing any foods, allowing myself to have a croissant for breakfast every morning– 10/10, highly recommend.

We haven’t been going out to eat to better control our food intake, and we’re trying to save money towards a vacation fund. The little joys have become a sacrifice for the bigger picture, hence the boring weekends. What else is there to do on 97-degree weekends besides eat, drink, and spend money? Sigh…

I’ve been getting on the walking pad for an hour every day, watching girly shows that Joe has no interest in. I started with A Good Girl’s Guide to Murder which was adorable. I’ll watch anything filmed in the U.K. to feed my anglophilia.

Next was My Lady Jane. It had everything I was looking for– romance, fantasy, girl power. And… it was canceled. This is not the first Prime show that I’ve fallen in love with that’s been canceled. Is the marketing at Amazon terrible or what?

I moved on to the new season of Emily in Paris, which romanticizes the city so much that it almost makes me want to give it another try, despite how much I cried while we were there on our honeymoon. The season is meh so far—and is it really necessary for Netflix to break new seasons into parts?

My latest obsession is Candy Montgomery, who was found not guilty after hacking up her friend Betty with an axe in 1980, claiming self-defense. I go through phases with true crime—I was glued to the Idaho Murders until Brian Kohberger was charged. But binging murder content isn’t great for my mental health, so I try to limit it.

Against my better judgment, I decided to check out Love and Death on Max. I’ve had a girl crush on Elizabeth Olsen since Wandavision, so it seemed like a good choice. Chasing the Dragon, I needed more, so I moved on to Candy on Hulu. It’s wild how two networks released shows about this murder at the same time. I’ve begun dreaming about axe-wielding housewives, so I might need to switch to HGTV instead. Suggestions are welcome.

I overshared on the internet and I’m not sure how to feel about it.

I published a piece, I’m a Girlboss Who Can’t Afford New Underwear, examining the meaning of success and my unhealthy relationship with it. The title isn’t clickbait, I really did walk around with holes in my undies, too ashamed to ask my husband to buy me new ones. Substack feels like a safe space for honesty and it helps to have mostly strangers following me but every once in a while, I get a new subscriber that knows me IRL, and I panic at the thought of them thinking I’m a fraud.

I CLOSED DOWN MY BUSINESS!!!!

I’ve never felt so free. After years of pushing, forcing, and trying to build a successful coaching business, I finally said goodbye. I’m done talking about it, so I’ll spare you the details, but things are heading in an inspiring direction. I’ve been working as a freelance content manager and decided to keep my books open for Human Design readings. You can book a reading here.

I made a charcuterie board. It was gorgeous and yummy.

What about the calories?

MIND YA BUSINESS.

I saw the Disney Springs drone show.

I got my first paying subscriber and reached 100 subscribers 🥹🫶🏻

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Other pieces I’ve written this month:

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A few Substack pieces I enjoyed this month:

Love you, bye.