Failing on Substack while blowing up on Instagram
The machine in the garden still has me fucked up two years later
After getting laid off from my part-time job, I decided to spend the extra time spam-posting silly little videos on Instagram, and I’m kinda going a bit viral. After growing a few accounts for my clients, I started to get a little jealous and decided it was time for me to have a piece of the pie too. I’ve been stuck at 2,500 followers for the past few years after changing my niche and starting 16 businesses. I knew I was taking myself too seriously and needed to have a bit of fun, so I decided to start posting skits and lean into satire.
My first video in a series of other viral videos was titled “Me in Heaven Explaining Weight Watchers to a Victorian Child Who Died of Starvation.” It turns out joking about the ridiculousness of 2000s diet culture does very well online. For the first time, I feel like I’m building community and authentically expressing myself, and it warms my heart when I receive DMs from people telling me they love the series and asking for the next one. I’m genuinely having so much fun.
At the time of writing this, I’m up to 4,300 followers, and my account has over 2 million views in the last month. Is this a productive way to spend my time after losing a small chunk of my income? Maybe not, but since losing that job, I’ve actually made more money than I have in a while.
At the same time I was laid off, one of my clients needed some social media help with a few other projects of hers, and my 1:1 social media audits have completely taken off. I was ghosted by the only person I had an interview with, but it doesn’t even matter because I’ve been managing with freelancing and consulting work. It feels so cool to finally say that I work 100% for myself as a social media and marketing freelancer.
As much as I love this work, especially the consulting and social media audits, my long-term goal is to be a creative, or a creator, rather, which I know has become a completely bastardized word as of late. I don’t necessarily care about sponsored content or brand trips, although I’d swim to Bora Bora if Tarte invited me. What I really want, more than anything, is to drive traffic over to my Substack.
Social media followers are great and all, but your account can get hacked and you can lose everything. You can get canceled for saying the wrong thing and lose your brand deals for a year. But an email list is something you own, and I just genuinely love Substack, the possibilities, and the community so much. None of my current content drives traffic here, and if I were one of my own clients I’d be like, girl, wtf are you doing?
When I first started on Substack two summers ago, I couldn’t stop writing. I was so inspired and excited and the words wouldn’t stop spilling out of me. I knew I wasn’t the best writer but I didn’t think I was that bad until I read “The machine in the garden” by Emily Sundberg and it completely deflated me.
She starts the piece off with “This letter is about Substack, and why ‘writer’ has become such an easy job title to give oneself” and goes on to share her concern for the downfall of “good writing” on the app. That was my takeaway anyway. I liked the piece, but I suddenly felt like I didn’t belong, and I’m realizing that I never quite recovered from it.
As part of my series Hot Girl Protocol, I interviewed my friend and Substack queen rachel moss for the next installment, where I prioritize my writing and my Substack for 30 days and see where it takes me. Our interview was on June 12. I posted one Substack each week for three weeks, forgot my Substack existed last week, and realized I still never actually put anything into practice that we spoke about (sorry Rachel, don’t be disappointed in me).
Why am I not afraid to post videos on Instagram, where I’ve been called fat and stupid and had my teeth made fun of, but the thought of posting on Substack and not being a good enough writer freaks me out so much? Every time I hit publish on here, I’m proud of myself. Even when barely anyone reads, which honestly is the case more often than not, I feel more accomplished than when 300k people watch one of my silly little videos.
Things just aren’t hitting the way they used to when I would post on here, and I don’t know how to get my groove back. I don’t know if I need an accountability partner, a writing class, or an ayahuasca journey in the jungle.
Do I start The Artist’s Way over for the third time? Or am I just not meant to be here, at least not in any meaningful way?
Writing about writers’ block and creative resistance on Substack, how revolutionary.
If you want to watch my silly videos, you can follow me on Instagram
If you need help with your social media, you can find resources and audits here.
Every time I'm like "it's quieter here" about social media, I always think maybe I need to accept that I'm putting out something people aren't interested in. But I DO feel like it's been sleepier on Substack!! And every day I read something I LOVE that really has 2 likes and the account has like 96 subscribers. I try so hard not to equate popularity with quality or depend on the algorithm to be fair and consistent, but it's hard!!!!
Anyway, I really hear you. Love to follow you on both IG and here.