Becoming a girl who reads smut.

The Cheek 013: moving to Disney World, reading slutty books, and refusing to have Instagram-face.

Vibe Check

I will live in this one-bedroom apartment for the rest of my life if it means I never have to move again. Since 2018, I’ve moved five times. I’ve purged, donated, sold things to creepy people on Facebook Marketplace. And I’ve still managed to accumulate a bunch of shit. I’m not much of a shopper (I’d rather spend my money on experiences and dining), so I genuinely don’t know how I haven’t fully Marie Kondo’d my life by now.

When we first moved to Florida from New York, we moved in with my parents. Joe found a job while passively browsing LinkedIn during a visit, and we had to run down here quickly. Moving in with them was the best option. The plan was 3–6 months. We thought we’d live with them until we could buy a house (cries in millennial). We stayed for a year and then moved into a depressing apartment in their area for another two years. Let’s just say it was not the vibe.

Anyway, we’re finally in our new place. It’s forty-ish minutes away from my parents and only TWENTY (!!!!) minutes from most of the Disney parks. If you’re one of those people who judge grown adults for liking Disney World, then I assume you either a) have never been there as an adult or b) take yourself too seriously.

In addition to being twenty minutes from drinking around the world at Epcot, our apartment complex feels like a luxury resort. There are work-from-home spaces, a modern barn with tons of outdoor seating, and a sexy pool with plenty of lounge chairs overlooking a lake. I know that’s somewhat standard for Florida, but I’m in heaven.

In the past week, I’ve been the most productive and active I’ve been in a while. I’ve been creating content and writing in the co-working spaces, using the gym, and yesterday we lounged by the pool after shopping at the farmer’s market.

I’m happy here.

Welcome to The Cheek. My weekly-ish, sometimes snarky newsletter, typically fueled by TikTok brainrot. Here I share my curated clicks, fav products, how I’m getting my shit together (The G.Y.S.T.), and obviously my hot takes. Enjoy.

Curated Clicks

Read: I’ve decided I want to be a girl who reads smut. One of my favorite TikTok creators is this Australian girl who rates smutty books. I’ve never read anything she recommends (other than ACOTAR), so I decided to give it a whirl. She always brings up Credence by Penelope Douglas, so I’m diving head-first. I’m only a few chapters in, and no smut yet. But I’m kinda… nervous? I’m doing this as a kind of experiment-slash-research project. Will I become a sex-crazed maniac? Will my husband be sick of me humping his leg every day? It’s also possible that I’ll feel the ick if the author uses one of those weird romance novel phrases like “he entered my wet opening” (puke) or something equally horrifying. I’ll keep you posted.

Watch: My Lord and Savior, Stanley Tucci, has a new show, and it’s what dreams are made of. Tucci in Italy is out on Hulu, and it’s basically the same as his Max show, Stanley Tucci: Searching for Italy (that one’s better, tbh). We’re trying to get to Italy next year, and I fully intend on basing our destination plans on the food, so I’m counting on my boy Stan to guide us in the right direction.

Listen: I’ll never pass up a pod about a scammer. eLiesabeth is about Elizabeth Teckenbrock, a TikToker who originally went viral for a video where she cried while baking her own birthday cake. You know, one of those videos where you set up the phone and then cry as if there were a hidden camera in your house catching you in a sad, candid moment.

Anyway, turns out the bitch is craaazy. She’s lied about having cancer multiple times, scammed a retired man out of half a mil, and told the internet that her ex is a Scientologist.

Scroll: This video about “Instagram Face.” One of the reasons I don’t have any injectables in my face is that I don’t want to look like everyone else. It’s one thing when hairstyles and eyebrow thickness change with trends, but it’s another thing entirely when you make permanent or semi-permanent changes to the structure of your face.

When you look around, everyone has the same nose, lips, cheeks, and ass. It’s like there are a few buckets you can fall into: Bieber, Kardashian, Hadid. Just choose one and run to your nearest med-spa.

The G.Y.S.T.

I’m getting hotter, healthier, and wealthier by the time I turn thirty-five in December. I posted a TikTok about it. But, here’s the list if you don’t wanna watch:

Treat yo’ self.

Speaking of being injectable-free, I started using my Frownies (affiliate link) again. I don’t know how more people don’t know about these things. You basically create a cast over your forehead with these little sticky guys and it trains your muscles to not move as much. I swear, you’ll even see the difference after one use. I wake up and my forehead looks like glass.

Photo Dump

food and disney and family and cute kids... what else is new?

The Plug

If you’re not stalking me yet, what are you even doing? Find me on Instagram @kristina_nasti and Tiktok @kristina_nasti

Submit your question to my advice column: complete the Google Form.

ICYMI: I do Human Design readings. Think of it as the cooler, more science-y cousin of astrology. Human Design has completely changed my life and relationships. Curious? Let me read your chart.